Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #76: FREE Denny’s Breakfast… Ruined by Screaming Kids!

February 3, 2009 · No Comments

During the Superbowl, Denny’s ran an ad for their Tuesday nationwide “FREE Grand-slam Breakfast” special. I’m not one to turn down free food, so this morning I got up extra early and headed on over to my local Denny’s.

I got there at 7:30 AM, and put myself on the waiting list. There were hundreds of people ahead of me on the waiting list, so I went back outside, opened up a book, and waited.

I attempted to read… but there was too much noise going on around me. I looked up, and saw the cause for the ruckus – children. Babies, toddlers, young rugrats everywhere. Ugh. In my quest to get free food, it hadn’t dawned on me that people with children would also be trying to get inside.

During my hour-long wait, I got to see:

*Older siblings trying to sit on their younger siblings’ head
*A young boy who cried loudly because his mom, who had been holding him, had been placed back on the ground
*A young girl who started crying because… well, I don’t really know why!
*Kids running around, running into other adults

Finally, I got called. I was sat at a 4-top (I was by myself, but it was the only thing they had available). Upon sitting down, the waitress came by immediately and asked me for my order. “Grand Slam,” I said, “along with some Lemonade and hash browns.” A few minutes later, my meal came out, and I began eating.

I was half-way through my breakfast when I started hearing a loud shrilling voice. It was yelling, “MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!”

I look over to my right and find the source of the noise: a chubby little 3 or 4 year old girl who was trying to signal to her mom… who was sitting right in front of her. (Sidebar: why do kids feel the need to say their parent’s name over and over again? They can hear their name being called the first two times – the other 78 arent’ necessary!)

Then, this girl starts saying the following phrase: “MAMA! I DON’T WANT A CHERRY ON MY ICE CREAM! MAMA! I DON’T WANT A CHERRY ON MY ICE CREAM! MAMA! I DON’T…”

The mom must have been acting like she didn’t hear the kid, because this phrase was repeated loudly over 25 different times!! Meanwhile, I finished up eating my food as fast as possible, if only to be able to leave out of Denny’s and away from this woman and her annoying kids (4 in all) as quickly as possible!

But it was not to be: the waitress took forever to get my bill to me, so I had to continue listening to this annoying lil’ rugrat for 5 more minutes before THEY finally left. THEN, I got my bill, paid, and left.

I. Am. NEVER. Having. Kids.


-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m Never Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Children Horror Stories.”  Who knows – your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

Categories: Child Free · Childfree · Family
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