Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #73: Jon and Kate Plus 8

January 9, 2009 · 12 Comments

Above: A clip from TLC’s “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” where the two parents talk about why they are always fighting.  I think I know the answer – too many dang kids! (Note: They won’t allow me to embed the clip, but click on the link above to see what I’m talking about!)

If you are ever hanging on the fence about whether or not to have kids, do yourself a favor: watch “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ on The Learning Channel (TLC), and see if you don’t want to head out and get that vasectomy/tube tied right away!

For those of you without cable, “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ is a reality show that follows the lives of Jon, Kate, and their brood of 8 children: one set of twin girls, and one set of sextuplets (three girls and three boys).

I stumbled upon this show by accident while flipping through channels during Thanksgiving at my Grandmother’s house.  Once I knew what the show was about, I started taking notes on some of the things these two parents – who, after having the twins, only wanted to try for ONE more child – have to deal with on a daily basis. 

Man, oh man, is it ugly.

Prior to knowing this show existed, my nightmare was having to deal with ONE crying child.  Now, picture having to deal with SIX crying children at one time, all running around in various directions, fighting with each other over different things, and see if you’d be able to do it all without wanting to scream your OWN head off – not to mention the head of your spouse!

Well, guess what? On this show, that’s EXACTLY what happens. 

Kate, who I assume, at one point, was a calm, loving person, is now a mom whose entire life consists of nagging her kids.  She nags them because, to be fair, they always seem ready to do something stupid to hurt themselves or their siblings.  Almost everything she says to them is “no,” “stop it,” “mommy said come over here,” and other annoying phrases that parents are forced to say to their kids all the time.

But her kids aren’t the only ones who get nagged – Mr. Jon, who works long hours as an engineer, also gets to join in on the fun!  Yes, nothing must make him happier than coming home from a 12-hour work day, at a job he got to support his extremely big family, only to hear comments from his wife like:

  • “Please don’t squish the cereal in your anger…”
  • (To one of the kids) “Don’t listen to Daddy – he’s mean!”
  • (After he accidentally used the wrong colored scrunchie for the girls’ hair) “Did you hear me?” (Jon, from the other room: “Yes!”) “What was the end of what I said?”

Yes, ladies and gentleman, she talks to him like a child!  As a result, both of them (more her than him) say sarcastic stuff to each other and/or use their words as weapons – all in front of the kids!  Isn’t that great?  Now, when the kids get older, they’ll think that the person they’re dating doesn’t love them – as they learned from their parents, if two people aren’t fighting, they must not really love each other!

But aside from the arguing parents, what REALLY makes this show a great reason for birth control is watching the overall effect the kids have on their parents’ lives.  8 kids means:

  • 8 times the amount of money spent on grocery shopping;
  • 8 times the amount of crying;
  • 8 times the amount of diapers that have to be changed;
  • 8 times the number of “I don’t know’s” the parents have to hear when something breaks or isn’t clean
  • 8 times the mess that has to be cleaned up in the house
  • 8 times the amount of kids that have to be looked after when in public

And what’s all of that equal up to? 8 times the amount of stress both parents are constantly having to face day to day - no wonder they are always arguing with each other!  And to go from having 2 kids to 8 kids couldn’t have been easy, especially on Jon, who is younger, and was 27 when the sextuplets were born!

Now, those of you who are on the fence may see this show and think, “Well, okay, so I might not want 8 kids, but what’s wrong with having 1 or 2?” And, as I always like to say, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have kids, be it 1, 2, or 8. 

HOWEVER, if you’re already thinking you might not want to deal with the hassles that kids can bring, imagine how you’ll feel when you decide to try having ONE kid - like Jon and Kate wanted – and “accidentally” ending up with more than you bargained for?  By then it will be too late to go back…

…unless, of course, you want to end up being a deadbeat Mom/Dad who doesn’t really pay much attention to their kids.  You COULD, in theory, go that route.  As for me, I think I’ll just stick to NEVER having kids in the first place!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Children Horror Stories” to the same address – who knows? It could end up being the catalyst for my next blog!

Categories: Child Free · Family
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