Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #72: They Don’t Understand the Meaning of “Recession”

January 1, 2009 · 3 Comments


Above: This guy talks about buying gifts for kids for Christmas while in a recession.  Frikkin’ hilarious!

The world is in a recession. 

Economies all around the world are seeing the value of their paper money drop faster than Madonna on prom night.  Stock markets are in disarray, people are losing jobs, and newer jobs are harder and harder to come by.

For this reason, adults around the globe are doing the best they can to hold onto whatever money they have.  They understand that, in order to eat, pay their bills on time and keep their house, they may have to do without certain “wants” so that their “needs” can be met.

Unfortunately, most of these adults have children.  And children do not understand the meaning of the word “recession.”

Kids, in general, do not have a sense of how money actually works.  As far as they know, everything they receive is magically produced for them; therefore, according to their logic, they should be able to get whatever they want, whenever they want it. 

This makes it hard for little Timmy to understand why their Mommy or Daddy who, just 6 months ago was able to pay for a huge birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese Pizza, suddenly can’t get them that $30 Nintendo DS game they’ve been wanting FOR-E-VER!  They don’t understand that Daddy was making lots of money at his job back then, but may have had to take a pay-cut to avoid getting axed out of a job!

Oh sure, a parent can TRY to sit their children down and explain to them how the worldwide market, currently being in a downward spiral, is preventing them from buying that game for them.  But kids are kids – they don’t care about the excuse as to why their parent can’t get it; they just know they have to get it.  And if they don’t, there will be crying and tantrums to deal with!

I bring this particular subject up because Christmas time just passed, and there were tons of news stories going on this year about how parents were “sacrificing” getting gifts for other adults and/or themselves just so they could make sure the children got something.  While that’s very admirable, it’s also stupid.  How about just telling your kids the truth: that Santa got downsized, couldn’t afford to keep his factory open, and can’t deliver toys this year?  It’s the same thing that happened to Ford’s employees!

At the same time, I understand why these parents were doing all this.  It’s because, again, kids don’t understand how or why a recession should affect them.  So what if Mom and Dad are having a hard time paying a light bill – they still need that new Dora the Explorer doll!  Who cares if they won’t be playing with it 3 months from now?  Mom and Dad will be able to buy them something new by then, right?

Lucky for me, I don’t have this problem – I can be broke as a joke and still feel good about myself because I don’t have to worry about disappointing some whiny rugrat simply because I can’t buy it something.  That’s the advantage of NEVER having kids!

-A. P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

Categories: Child Free · Childfree · Children · Family · Parent
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