Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #69: They’re Not All THAT Cute

July 28, 2008 · No Comments

“Awww, wook at dat wittle baby?!? Isn’t he/she so cuuuuute?!?”

Well, if you’re a person who absolutely adores kids, seeing a wide-eyed little rascal batting their eyes while sitting in their baby chair would probably make you answer “yes” to this question.

However, those of us not wanting to have kids would be able to look at this exact same child, and think to themselves, “no, it’s not cute, and I wish I wasn’t anywhere near this kid right now!”

Why the difference in viewpoints?  Because us non-child-wanting people know the facade babies put on for those who are thinking about having kids.  When a person sees a little baby, it’s a scientific fact that their big ol’ dilated pupils are supposed to make adults instantly fall in love with the idea of having kids.  It’s the same reason people think puppies and kittens are so cute, yet rarely say the same thing about older dogs and cats.  It’s all in the eyes, people!

However, depsite this euphoric state of love and bliss babies give off, a baby is only cute for so long – ESPECIALLY if you are the owner of it.

Oh sure, a kid is cute when your best friend brings her kid over for a few hours and they behave like a little angel.  However, a kid’s cuteness wears off pretty quickly, especially once you’ve been around them long enough to see them do the following:

  • Throw up on themselves
  • Go to the bathroom on themselves
  • Cry non-stop for hours at a time
  • Hit back at you
  • Bite/fight you in any way
  • Get food all over their mouth/face/clothes
  • Get into a fight with one of their siblings
  • Break something of value to you
  • Track mud prints through the house on your new rug
  • “Accidentally” do something you already told them not to do

With all the anguishing moments kids can bring into an adult’s life, is it any wonder that they may not seem so cute after a while?  What’s even MORE astonishing is that, despite the fact that they intellectually know a baby won’t always be cute, whenever people see someone else with one, they will inevitably say, “awww, they’re so cute – I wanna have one!”

Well, everyone except for ME, ’cause I’m NEVER having kids!!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” - who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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