Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #66: Getting Kids to Eat Certain Foods is a Chore

July 8, 2008 · 1 Comment

Above: A young girl cries because she doesn’t want to eat her veggies.  And she’s LOUD.

Kids can be stubborn, especially when it comes to eating.  Why, you ask?  Here are some fun fact, courtesy of Oprah’s own Dr. Oz:

  • Whereas Adults have an average of about 30,000 taste buds on their tongues, children only have about 10,000.  This means the range of foods they dislike is a lot higher than someone older than them.
  • This dates back to the days when humans lived out in the woods.  As most parents know, kids like to put a LOT of things in their mouth, regardless of if said item should be going there.  However, poisonous things have a bitter taste, and kids’ taste buds are designed to NOT want bitter-tasting foods near them as a way of self-protecting themselves from something harmful.

Unfortunately, something else has a bitter, unpleasant taste to kids: VEGETABLES.  And since their taste buds are designed to reject bitter-tasting foods, they can be quite adamant about not eating them.

Children have to be taught to eat vegetables so their tastebuds can overcome this “oh my god, this stuff taste SO bitter” phase.  Unfortunately, getting to that point can take YEARS, and you know what that means:

Lots and lots and LOTS of fights during dinner involving you trying to get your little one to eat vegetables!

Remember all those times you were able to eat an entire meal with your significant other and enjoy everything on your plate?  Well, kiss those days goodbye – now, half your meal will be spent trying to get your little rug-rat to eat 2 small pieces of broccoli!  Never mind the fact that the kid just had a whole heap of mashed potatoes with gravy, greasy fried chicken, and a slice of bread with no problem – those 2 SMALL pieces of broccoli will NOT be tolerated by your child!

I’ve seen the crap parents have to go through with their kids during meal time, and it doesn’t look fun. A dinner that should take 20 minutes to eat is expanded to almost an hour because the parent has to sit there trying to negotiate with their kid on eating the healthiest part of their whole meal. Does the following dialogue sound familiar to anybody:

Parent: “Okay, honey, just eat that last bit of spinach so I can clean off the table.”

Kid: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Parent: “For the love of God, just take two bites of it, it’s good for you!”

Kid: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Parent: “Well, you’ll be sitting here all night if you don’t take those two bites!!”

Kid: (Reluctantly places the spinach on fork and puts it in mouth.  Proceeds to spit it back out.) “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Parent: (Picks up fork, places spinach back on fork) “That’s it, you are going to eat this thing if I have to make you!! Now, open up!”

Kid: (With mouth closed) “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Furthermore, according to Dr. Oz, a kid has to be exposed to a vegetable about 10 times before they’ll finally decide, “Eh, this isn’t that bad after all.”  DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY VEGETABLES THERE ARE OUT THERE?!? 

I’m not saying my kid would have to eat every vegetable in the world, but even if I tried to get it to like 5 of them, that’s at least 50 food-fighting sessions I’d have to go through with this kid.  And don’t even get me started on what happens if you try to tone down the amount of sugary foods they like to eat!

No, really – don’t get me started, ’cause I’m NEVER having kids!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

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