Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #64: School Daze, Part 4 – Getting Kids to Do Homework Sucks Monkey Balls

July 2, 2008 · 1 Comment


Above: The top 10 excuses kids can give for not doing their homework.  Priceless.

(Note: In this 5-part series, I will be discussing the various reasons why having to deal with putting my kids through school makes me NOT want to have them.  Feel free to share with your friends, and add any commentary you might have!)

In part 18 of my “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” blog, I wrote that having kids means having to send them to school, and, consequently, help them with their homework, which also means having to re-learn all the stuff you forgot years ago just so you can explain it to your kids (see: Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #18: Going Back 2 School Sucks Monkey Balls). 

If there’s one thing worse than having to re-learn your kid’s current curriculum, it’s getting them to actually do it themselves.

Kids only have one goal in mind when they’re little: to have as much fun as possible.  Doing homework takes away from this goal, and causes them to experience much agony and pain.  Therefore, they will try and avoid doing their homework as much as they possibly can.

Now me, I could give a rat’s you-know-what if a kid did their homework.  Because I find the majority of school work to be busy work in the first place, I could care less about if my kid wrote a paper on why he loves cats so much. 

At the same time, though, I understand that, in order for a kid to move on to the next grade, homework would have to be done at a level satisfactory enough for the teachers to say, “Okay, this work will pass.  Let’s move the kid on!”

I’m pretty sure my kid would understand this as well.  Unfortunately, just because a kid understands WHY they should do their homework doesn’t mean they will actually be motivated enough to do it. 

And kids can find all types of things and/or reasons to keep themselves away from homework.  Regardless of what excuse they come up with, the bottom line is the same: they want to delay doing their homework indefinitely, and you, as the parent, have to make them do it.

And the result? CONFLICT!

Yes!  Imagine how much fun it will be spending your valuable time getting your kid to do homework!  Instead of using those minutes to do something you’d REALLY enjoy, you’ll get to have fun times doing the following:

  • Cutting off your kid’s favorite TV show, and having to hear them complain while you yell back at them to start their homework!
  • Getting the “I hate you face” from your kid for making them do those math equations!
  • Hearing excuse after excuse about why they can’t start on their project – “I don’t have a number 2 pencil, and this is a number 3 pencil!”
  • Turning down their requests for a snack break every 10 minutes – so what if they ate a huge dinner before they started their homework, they MUST eat again!
  • Hearing your child call themselves “stupid” for not being able to finish their work in a fast manner – and by “fast,” I mean in 15 minutes or less!
  • Stressing yourself out helping your kid finish up a project they got assigned 3 months ago, but only decided to start yesterday!

Doesn’t that sound like time well-spent?  If not, you may want to consider another option – NEVER having kids!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

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1 response so far ↓

  • stepher // July 3, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    I think that this is really starting to become a book. Honest.

    As a hardcore CFer I’d be happy to hawk such a product for you as well.

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