Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #59: Teen Pregnancy Affects the Parents’ Lives, Too

June 25, 2008 · No Comments

Above: Jamie Lynn Spears is confronted by reporters about her pregnancy.  The parts of Jamie and Britney are played by little kids – it’s cute AND hilarious!!

I was a virgin until I was 23.

I know that, to some of you, it may seem shocking that a guy could hold out on having sex for that long.  Not that the opportunity didn’t present itself before then – BELIEVE me, there were plenty of times where I had the opportunity to get physical with a woman, but would decide against it. 

Of course, these women wanted sex, so our dating could only go so far before they decided to move on to someone else who would give them the physical satisfaction they desired.

So, why did I turn down these offers, especially during my teenage years?  Part of it was that I wanted to wait until I was married to have sex.  The other part, though, was that I did not want to take any chances of me getting some girl pregnant and having kids before turning 20.  I knew back then (much like I know now) what a big effect having kids has on one’s life, and I didn’t want to bring that upon myself at an age where I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with it.

Most importantly, though, I also knew that having a baby would not just affect me, but also MY mom.  She considers her self blessed to have had two boys, but she definitely did NOT want any more children beyond that.  And at that age, I tried to do my best to see to it that the decisions that I made weren’t ones that would bring any major life alterations to the people around me, especially my Mom.

Unfortunately, not all teenagers think like this.  During these years when their hormones are raging and peer pressure can cause them to do just about anything, teens often make decisions do to certain stupid things on a whim without caring about how it will affect others. 

One of these areas includes sex.  A teen guy and girl may get horny enough to screw each other’s brains out, regardless of if they have taken protective measures to see to it that the girl doesn’t get pregnant.  Of course, when they’re horny, logic is the last thing that stays in their brain.  You’d be surprised how many teenage couples can convince themselves that the girl won’t get pregnant if they use the “rhythm method,” or if the guy pulls out just before he reaches orgasm.

(Incidentally, if there is a teenager reading this: even if you simply spill your “man-juice” on the outside of a girl’s “cup,” she can still get pregnant if she pushes it inside her – that “man-juice” stays potent up to 4 days.  Just be warned!)

So, let’s say I have a daughter, and she’s 16 and gets pregnant. I already consider having a kid to be like an 18-year jail sentence – and now I get news that my kid is having a kid?!?  And since she’d be under 18, I wouldn’t feel right throwing her out on the street and saying, “Good luck raising that thing on your own!”

No, I’d feel like, as my child, I’d have to help her out.  Which would mean that now, I’D have to help raise yet ANOTHER child for a few MORE years! 

And even though I’d be helping my child, I’d be upset and angry at the same time.  Questions like, “why the heck didn’t you use a condom or birth control??” or “Couldn’t you have waited until AFTER you got out of MY house to have a kid??”  would always be in my mind.  After all, it’s rarely on a parent’s agenda to help their kid raise a kid while their kid is stil in their teens.  Heck, most parents are trying to plan their Hawaiian Vacation celebration for when their kid finally turns 18 and ships off to college!

The idea that these celebratory plans would suddenly be stiffled by the re-emergence of baby cries, doctor visits, and part-time babysitting… well, it just doesn’t sit with me.  If I don’t want kids now, why the heck would I want to have to go through the cycle all over again just because a kid of mine wanted 5 minutes of pleasure in the back-seat of a Volkswagon?? 

Or any type of car, really – I just like Volkswagons :)

The point is, teen pregnancy is something that would effect not just my child’s life, but MY life as well.  I’ve seen a bunch of my younger girl cousins get pregnant before the age of 19, and it saddens me every time I think about how my 40 and 50-year old aunts and uncles have to go through the parenting cycle all over again simply because their daughters couldn’t keep their damn legs shut!

But guess what? It ain’t happening to ME, because… aw, heck, you already know why!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Entertainment · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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