Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #56: They Don’t Bring Me “Joy” (a.k.a. Response to a Comment)

June 22, 2008 · 2 Comments

I have a wide audience of people who read the blogs on this site on a regular basis, ranging from those who, like me, never want kids, to parents who can relate to and/or understand the reasons I may not want kids (seeing as they’ve experienced some of these not-so-pleasant-to-have-children moments first-hand).

There are also some people who make comments about some of my blogs.  Most of the comments so far have been pretty positive.  However, I recently received a comment about my last blog that was rather sarcastic in nature. 

The blog, entitled Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #55: They Make Me Sick… Literally, talked about me not having a desire to get sick as a result of being around kids’ germs.  They spread their little mitts on everything and then want to run up and touch you and… well, it grosses me out.

Anyway, when I checked back to the site a few hours later, I saw this comment under the post: 

“Uh, yeah. So you have to wipe a nose once in a while and change a diaper. There’s this thing called “joy” and “love” that you get in return. Go ahead and stick to your pledge. My DNA wins.”

This is just an example of the types of responses us people who have no desire to have kids have to hear all the time.  People assume that just because they feel certain emotions when kids are around, that others should feel the same way.

Allow me to respond to this particular comment:

First of all, it’s not the wiping of the nose or the changing of the diapers itself that is the problem.  It’s the fact that snot and feces spread GERMS, and, again, I don’t feel like dealing with it.

Second, kids become even MORE annoying when they’re sick.  Extra crying, more stuff pouring out of orifices, whining, complaining, and a HUGE bias against getting any shots that will cure them of their illness.

But, more importantly, I just want to shoot down this whole idea that kids bring feelings of “joy” and love to all people.  As much as a person who WANTS kids may feel these emotions, people who don’t want kids could give a flying rat’s behind about having them around, lest they bring about emotions of MISERY, PAIN, and RESENTMENT.

There was a show on FOX last year called “Standoff,” about two crisis negotiators who tried to talk hostages into letting their captives go.  There was one particular episode where this elder teenager held up a bank and wouldn’t come out.  In talking to the young man, the negotiators discovered he never had the close connection with his Mom that he wanted as a child.  He couldn’t understand why, despite everything he did – getting straight A’s, joining and excelling at various clubs and activities, his Mom never seemed to care.

The negotiators track the parents down, and the mother writes something on a piece of paper for her to read to her son.  “I think it’s time he hears this,” she told them.  And what was it she wrote on that piece of paper?

“I’m sorry, son – I never wanted children.” 

Upon hearing this, the kid breaks down, and comes out the bank.  The end.

Now, why did I bring up this particular episode?  Because: JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS A KID, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S GOING TO BRING THEM JOY IF THEY DIDN’T WANT KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

I could have a kid, and he or she be the absolute most perfect child, and there’s STILL a chance I’d be friggin’ upset for having it in the first place! 

Besides, parents-to-be get too hyped up on that “I’ll have something around that’s going to love ME and bring joy into my life!!”  But uh, golly gee… shouldn’t you strive to have that BEFORE having a kid??  People shouldn’t rely on any body else – be it a wife, husband or baby – to suddenly bring their life meaning and happiness.  Those types of people are in for a rude awakening.

What if you have a kid and they decide to rebel against you for 17 of their 18 years growing up?  All the fights, clashes of ideals, trouble-making – is any of THAT going to be bringing this “joy” the commenting person speaks of??

What if your kid decides to do drugs or follow the wrong crowd?  Will those days, weeks, and months of struggling to convince them to do otherwise going to make you think, “gee, this kid sure is bringing a lot of joy into MY life right now?!?”

You see, unlike this narrow-minded person here, I understand that kids can bring both joy AND pain.  I understand that, to some people, having a baby just makes their entire life light up, and that nothing would make them happier than to have 5 or 6 mini-thems running around their house.

But what he, along with other people, need to understand, is that not all people are like them.  I don’t get all excited about the prospect of late-night feedings, taking kids to camp, vacationing with kids around, having them misbehave in public – NONE OF THAT APPEALS TO ME.  And just because I don’t like them around, doesn’t mean my DNA is more screwed up – if that’s the case, there are LOTS of people walking around with bad DNA…

…but chances are, we’re a lot happier not having to share that DNA with an annoying rugrat!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

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2 responses so far ↓

  • andrewlenza // June 22, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    A.P., My first time reading your blog. You’ve ‘penned’ an articulate explanation of your feelings. I respect your perspective.

    No doubt. Perhaps people should not become parents expecting a reward in the beginning, middle or end.

    If you think those rugrats are annoying as feverish toddlers, wait til they start stealing your beer :)

  • ambrosiality // June 23, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    in the words of flavor flav: wooooooooooooooow

    funny blog title. to each his own right?

    if you know u dont want kids, better than being a horrid parent. nothing wrong with that I guess. I guess you could always adopt a teenager [shrugs] or a grannie.

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