Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #52: Resenting the Child for Existing

June 17, 2008 · 3 Comments

This past weekend was father’s day, where millions of mothers and children give thanks to the Dads who do so much to take care of them.  Well, at least the ones who decide to stick around.

The day after father’s day, I was talking to one of my co-workers, a single mother who has a 3-year old son.  She was telling me that her son had wanted to see his father that day, but that the father, being the out-of-work lazy bum that he is, didn’t feel like being bothered. 

This wasn’t the first time this has happened with them before.  During my time at the job, this same mother has told me all about her struggles with getting the father to spend time with their child.  He doesn’t pay child support, rarely tries to see his son, and doesn’t really seem interested in the kid’s existence in the first place.

Some people might look at this situation and ponder why this man, like millions of other absentee fathers (or mothers – these things do go both ways), wouldn’t try to spend time with a being they themselves helped create.  I, however, don’t wonder at all, because I already know the answer:


Oh sure, they may not have ever told anyone they didn’t want children.  After all, most people in our society would balk at the idea that someone wouldn’t want to create a mini-version of themselves to boss around (BELIEVE me, I get it all the time).  Therefore, these people may end up having children only because they feel they have to.

However, their lack of desire for children becomes very clear when, upon their introduction to the world, the parent-in-question goes from appearing joyful at the baby’s arrival, to distant and cold, to, in many cases, not being around at all for the child!

And I’ve seen the devestating negative effects on children resulting from them knowing that one of their parents doesn’t really want them around.  Behavioral problems, acting out in school, feeling suicidal – all of these conditions can arrise simply because the child knows that one (or two) of the most influential people in their lives don’t seem to want them around.

Part of the reason I started this site is because I used to do blogs on MySpace from time to time about annoying things I’d see kids doing in public, and one of my friends used to complain about my lack of a desire for kids.  She’d ask me how I could not want to have kids, or why I didn’t at least consider having ONE kid.

And my answer to her was simple: I know myself enough to know what I do and do not like, and I know that one of the things that annoys me to the core of my being is being around children for long periods of time.  Therefore, I knew that, were I to have one, there’d be a good chance I’d resent the child for holding me back in some kind of way, regardless of if it was or not.  I also knew how annoying it would be to me to have to deal with the huge work load that having kids brings with it.

Now, could my feelings about wanting kids around change if I accidentally had one?  Well, anything is possible.  But there’s also a chance I’d still have the same feelings of not really wanting the kid, to the point that I, too, could be like, “Why should I stay around, when I could go out and do my own thing?”  It may sound heartless, and I don’t think I’d ever actually abandon something I brought into the world…

…but that possibility – that idea that, even if I stuck around, my feelings of resentment could still be felt by that child and mess up his or her psyche – is more than enough reason for me NOT to have kids.  I’d rather not have them and be at peace with myself, than to be like all those people out there who physically or emotionally abandoned children they didn’t want in the first place!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

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3 responses so far ↓

  • Smilf // June 17, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Okay, I adore this blog. While I have stepchildren, I absolutely do NOT want to have kids of my own and I get tired of people thinking I will change my mind or that I’m insane. I will just now send them to your blog. Fantastic reasons. I am just too damn selfish is what my reasons boil down to. : )

  • stepher // June 17, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Excellent as per usual…

  • CF Sista // January 5, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    Right on! It’s best to know thyself and prevent the situation you wish not to be in from the get-go. Preparation for prevention are KEY in remaining CHILDFREE. :)

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