Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

WHy I’m NEVER Having Kids #49: Viewing Slutty Behavior from Young Girls Is Disturbing

June 12, 2008 · 1 Comment

Above: A toddler shaking her booty to Beyonce’s “Check Up on It.”  NOTE: I did NOT actively seek this clip out – I was looking for a video for another blog, and this was one that popped up!

Back in the days when I was still deciding whether or not to have kids, I would tell people that I wanted a daughter.  My dad died when I was young, and, having mostly grown up around women, I figured I’d be able to relate to little girls better than boys.

Looking back, though, I can’t imagine what I was thinking.  Girls, at any age, can display some disgusting behavior – not in the sense that it isn’t natural, but in the sense that some of it shouldn’t ever be legally viewed by anyone over the age of 18, ESPECIALLY if you’re their parent!

Unfortunately, were I to have a daughter, there would inevitably be some day where I’d catch my daughter doing some kind of behavior that I’d consider “slutty,” and I’m pretty sure I’d feel conflicted about it.

It starts simple enough when they’re kids: I’d walk into the living room and see my 2-year old daughter doing a booty-wiggle to the latest hit song on BET (or even the Disney Channel – they play songs, too!).  On the one hand, I’d realize she had no idea how… ODD… that looks, but on the other hand, I’d probably have to tell her not to do that, and hear her cry about it because she doesn’t understand.

Then, she’d get a little older (say, elementary school range), and by then all her little girlfriends on the playground will have shown her how to “pop her coochie” (yes, this REALLY happens on the playground when you’re not around, parents!!). I’d come pick her up from school one day, only to find her outside with her friends having a “Pop, Lock & Drop It” contest.  Again, disturbing. 

(For those not familiar with the slang, you basically pop your behind out, place your hands up, and drop your butt to the ground, causing your butt to shake like jelly in the process.  Great for strip clubs, BAAAAAD for 7-year old girls to do!)

This would get even worse once my daughter started growing breasts and a curvy figure – now, if I caught her doing these types of dances I’d have to see extra bounce and jiggle, something I’m sure most fathers have seen and felt VERY disturbed about!

Once she gets into the throws of puberty, I’m sure she’d become extremely horny.  She’d start dating guys and making out with them, which is fine – as long as I didn’t have to see it.

However… I imagine myself coming home from work early one day and walking upstairs… only to hear odd noises coming from my daughter’s room.  And, upon entering the room, I’d see a guy, lying on top of my daughter, wearing nothing more than her birthday suit!


And as a guy, there’s a conflict because, on the one hand, we like seeing naked girls with boobs and shapely bodies, but on the other hand, I’m pretty sure most guys don’t want to see that coming from their own kid!

All of these incidents have two things in common: they involve having to view the daughter as a slut, and it is very disturbing to watch when the person doing the slutty behavior in question is your own flesh and blood is involved.

I LIKE being able to look at women dancing, or being naked, etc., without having to feel guilty, or like a pervert, and the idea that I’d accidentally wind up having to view these types of things with my own daughter… well, it certainly doesn’t make me want to go out and have one right now.

And God only knows how I’d feel if she started doing porno!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing w/Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could end up the catalyst for my next blog!

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