Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #48: They Can’t Stand Still

June 11, 2008 · 1 Comment

Above: A cartoon where a mother bird takes her two little birdies to the post office.  This video is 7 minutes long, but the first 2 minutes are, more or less, what I saw at the post office yesterday!

Kids are balls of energy that fidget quite often, and can’t seem to stand still – even in a place where it would seem logical to do so!

I had a day off from work yesterday, and decided to run some much-needed errands, one of which included mailing off some packages at the post office.  I arrived there at noon, and the line was VERY long.  “Darn it!” I thought to myself.  “I forgot how long these lines get around lunchtime!”

While waiting in line, I noticed there was a family of four standing a few people in front of me: a Dad, a Mom, and two kids.  The first thing I noticed was the contrast between the parents and the children: the adults, two black people (I can’t say “African-American” because they had British accents – bet u didn’t see THAT one coming!), were nicely dressed in what could be considered business attire, with nicely kept hair…

…and their kids had OK clothes on with messy hair – messy, as in, I could see lint and dandruff.  I can only imagine the struggle that took place in trying to get these kids out of the house before the parents just said “Fine, if you want your hair to look that way, BE MY GUEST!”

Anyway… so the mom was holding the younger one in her arms, while the older one was doing his best to stay still.


No, the older one was too busy running in and out of the post office entrance/exit doors, going so far as to almost run into ME at one point. You KNOW that got me a bit upset!

The older kid starts grabbing at his brother, trying to yank him down from his mother’s embrace.  Finally, she lets the younger one stand on his own. 

That’s when the REAL trouble began.

Now, BOTH kids are running around, going under the waiting-line island in the center of the room and playing chase with each other.  THEN, they start playing what I call “The Pushing Game,” where one brother runs up to the other brother and pushes him.  Pretty easy concept, right?

Unfortunately, these types of games are like hearing “The Song That Never Ends”  – they just go on and on, my friend, until someone - usually one of the parents – make their kids stop doing it. 

And so it was with this game.  Unfortunately, the parents didn’t stop the game until the older brother had pushed his younger brother into the butt of the White lady standing in front of them – and not after the first time, but the SECOND time!

As the line progressed, things only got worse.  The kids ran over to where the various mailing package envelopes are held and started fumbling through them.  The mom went over and encouraged them to get back in line.  Once in line, the older son, upon seeing the pole with the “Please Wait Here Until Called to the Line” sign, grabs it and starts swinging around on it while his dad places his foot at the base so as not to have the sign fall over.  This, of course, didn’t stop the sign from sending out loud sounds that echoed throughout the room!

FINALLY, the parents are called to the counter.  As they are walking over to the cashier, the older brother zips by the younger one, pushing him in the process.  He ends up falling over, landing on the ground with a huge “SMACK!”  I immediately bursts out laughing, and had to quiet myself down so as not to be heard by the poor parents!

You would think all of this would have deterred the children from wanting to do anything else.  Lo and behold: the little kid got right back up, and less than a minute later they were both at it again.  This time, the older brother started chasing the younger one… AROUND THEIR MOTHER!  Yes, while the mother was attempting to talk to the post office lady, her two kids were scrunching themselves in the space between the counter wall and her legs, chasing each other.

Finally, the mother said – in a rather sexy British accent, by the way – “Do you two want to play with each other later? Well, you won’t be able to if you keep this up!”

You know what the sad part of all this was?  This happened over the span of 15 minutes – and all I could think to myself was, “how the heck could ANYONE deal with this for longer than that?!?”

And someone may read this and think, “Well, it was the parent’s fault for not properly disciplining the kids on how to act in public!” 

But this isn’t just a one-time occurence, people; I took in an afternoon mall-run immediately after this, and saw the same thing – kid after kid after kid waiting in line somewhere with their parents, acting like morons!

Face it: young kids just have too much energy in them to want to stand still!  And, whether you’re in a place of business or in line at a fast-food restaurant, the fact that children can’t stand still is always bound to be an issue (unless you have them tied up and gagged to a stroller or some kind of pulling/pushing device).

Incidentally: as I was leaving the post office, I passed by another mom – this time a White lady (I use the term “White” because… well, she was White) – holding her two kids by the arms.  Each of her kids also started making noises, and trying to run off from their mom.

And I couldn’t help but smile, happy for the fact that this will – hopefully – NEVER be something I have to deal with!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  If you’re a parent, send your “Dealing With Kids Horror Stories” – who knows, your story could be the catalyst for my next blog!

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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1 response so far ↓

  • Kathy // June 12, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    Oh, this is so me and my kids! Which is why I try to leave them at home if I have to stand in line anywhere. I go to the grocery store and stuff early in the morning and almost never have to wait. But when I go to the P.O., I *always* have to wait, and my kids…. well, they just don’t wait. :-) Depending on how long we have to wait is how P.O.’d I get, and how rambunctious the kids are. I think kids have the same amount of activity regardless; it’s just that it seems so much *more* in a smaller space — an inverse relationship, if you will. Parenting ain’t for wimps! :-)

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