Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #44: Grocery Shopping With Children is NOT Fun

June 5, 2008 · 1 Comment

Above: An advertisement for condoms, showing a Dad and his kid shopping at a grocery store.  I’ll bet the father wishes he had used one!

I went to the grocery store today to replenish my dwindling food supply.  While looking for a can of mixed vegetables, I happened into an aisle where a man and his young daughter, who looked to be about 3, were standing.

The man was looking at canned vegetables and deciding what he wanted to get.  On the opposing side of the aisle, the young daughter was looking at Pocky Sticks, which are basically powdered sugar in straw packaging.  The daughter grabbed a set of Pocky Sticks off the shelf, and placed them in the basket.

The man, upon seeing this, promptly took the Pocky Sticks out of the grocery cart and back in the place the daughter had grabbed them from.

That’s when the daughter started to cry – “W-aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! W-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

After about 15 seconds of this loud, wailing, obnoxious-sounding display of waterworks, the man finally relented, grabbed the set of Pocky Sticks, and placed them back into the basket.

Meanwhile, I stood there, thinking to myself: “Thank GOD I don’t have any kids!”

———-

Grocery shopping with children has to be one of the WORST experiences known to man.  There are several reasons why kids shouldn’t even be allowed by law to step into a grocery store until they hit puberty:

(1) THEY ARE CONSTANTLY GRABBING STUFF.

Children go into a grocery store and LOSE THEIR MINDS!  Anything that has sugar in it has their name attached to it, and they feel it necessary to get all of these items into YOUR cart! 

Cookies? Check! Ice Cream? Of course! Twizzlers? You bet!

Of course, they don’t understand that eating all of these things on a regular basis isn’t healthy for them – all they know is that it tastes good.  But you, being the responsible parent you are, will try to put some of these things back on the shelf – in which case, prepare to either lose your arm or hear a LOT of crying, ’cause the kids just aren’t having it!

(2) THEY CAUSE YOU TO DETER FROM YOUR LIST.

If you’re like me, you go into a store with a set list of things you want to buy.  You may buy two or three other items that weren’t on the list, but for the most part you probably go into a store knowing what you need to get.

Then, the kids come along, and your list is null-and-void.

Now, instead of stopping at the store and doing a quick run-through, you have to deal with what the kids think they want to get, too!  Notice: I said “think” they want.  Kids end up making their parents buy foods they don’t even eat half of once it’s in their house!

This leads me to point number 3…

(3) BUYING GROCERIES FOR KIDS = SPENDING EXTRA MONEY.

The nice thing about not having kids is, I can go into a grocery store, set a budget, and come out having spent close to the amount I had planned on spending. 

Not so with kids!  Even if you plan to spend only $30, the suggestions your kids bring along with them will balloon that amount by at least double your budget.  Not to mention the fact that kids can eat a LOT more food than adults (since they are still growing and constantly need fuel), and, depending on how many kids you have, you could be spending money on food 2 to 3 times a week, SOLELY on food for your children!!

(4) MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE.

Keeping kids disciplined while in the grocery store is another hassle.  One kid will end up trying to wander around, while another kid is crying in the grocery cart, and yet another kid is talking Mommy or Daddy’s ear off while they’re trying to decide which meat to buy for dinner!

Oh, but there’s more!  Siblings are notorious for fighting each other, and nothing starts a fight better than two kids arguing over who’s going to sit in the cart seat!  Now, you get to have one kid moping around because he has to walk instead of sit in the cart, while the younger kid is crying because his older sibling doesn’t want to talk to him now since he lost the cart seat fight!

When I go to the store, all I want to do is go in, get a few food items, and high-tail it out of there as soon as possible.  Having kids only prolongs the shopping experience, and not in a good way.  If I wanted to deal with a bunch of misfits fighting with each other and screaming for extra sugary food, I’d go watch ladies Jell-o wrestle. 

Otherwise, the words “grocery shopping” and “children” never need to be together with each other in my sentences!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

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1 response so far ↓

  • stepher // June 5, 2008 at 2:00 am

    I know I’m going to LOVE your blog.

    My list of reasons for not reproducing is long long long.

    Oh and that video is a Childfree Classic. =)

    Cool new blog you have here…

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