Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #39: Living Life on Repeat

May 31, 2008 · No Comments

Above: A 3-year old kid give a synopsis of the plot for “Star Wars.”  Very cute video – but I already KNOW the plot for the movie!

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone where, after about 3 or 4 minutes in, you realize that they are basically repeating the same point they made in the 1st minute, only in different ways?

Have you ever talked to a person where, after the first few minutes, it becomes clear to you that they are just saying the same idea over and over again, just using different words?

Have you ever been speaking to someone when, suddenly, you realize that what they are talking about hasn’t changed, just the phrasing of it?

Did you just read the 3 sentences above, and think to yourself: “Isn’t Mr. Taylor just saying the same thing over and over again??”

One more question: isn’t it ANNOYING when someone does that?!?

As adults, we understand language enough to not have to hear the same ideals told to us over and over again.  Therefore, the reason we find such conversations annoying is because repetitiveness is not necessary once we’ve heard something and understood it.

In fact, it’s pretty annoying anytime someone tries to reiterate or tell us something that we already know.  Like, what sense does it make for someone to tell me how to type faster (I already type close to 60 words per minute), or why owning a house is better than renting, when I already KNOW that stuff!

Unfortunately, people that don’t know us don’t know what things we may or may not know.  Consequently, they may feel the need to tell you something they think you may not know, if only because they aren’t aware that you know it.

So… what does all this have to do with having kids?

Kids are the WORST OFFENDERS of what I call the “Telling Me Something I Already Know” syndrome! 

Children are newcomers to this planet, meaning everything they learn or hear about for their first few years of existence is something new… to THEM.  The rest of us know about 90% of whatever it is they’re learning, which means we don’t have to hear about it.

However, since it’s new to THEM, they automatically think they HAVE to tell us what they’ve learned because they want to share info they think we don’t know.

And frankly, having to hear some of that stuff - AGAIN – is annoying!

A perfect example of this is when they try to tell their parents a joke.  Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: “Why did the chicken cro-” 

Oh, you’ve heard that one before?  Well guess what? If a kid comes up to you and starts this joke, you (a) can’t stop them from telling it because they may get upset and start to cry, and (b) can’t act like you’ve heard it, because then it takes the fun of the answer being a surprise away from them!

And this goes for just about anything a kid tries to show or tell you.  Again, EVERYTHING is new and exciting to them, including things that may be old and boring to you. 

They want to go to the circus, and you’ve been there 10 times in your life already; they want to talk to you about their newfound love of learning about the Solar System, and you’ve learned everything you ever wanted to know about it while taking science classes in school.

To be fair, there is that 10% of the time a kid will come home and talk to you about something that you may not have known – but even that stuff tends to be bastardizations of something you’ve done before! 

They talk to you about that new “Hannah Montana” song, not realizing that she’s basically Britney Spears, which YOU experienced 10 years ago (who, by the way, was a repeat of Tiffany, another pop princess in the 1980s); they tell you about their favorite new TV show, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” and you think to yourself: “But I was watching that 18 YEARS ago! I don’t wanna hear about that!”

Oh, that’s too bad – but if you didn’t want to live your life on repeat, you should have, like me, decided to NEVER have kids!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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