Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #36: When Nature Gives You More than One Kid at a Time…

May 27, 2008 · No Comments

Above: A mother films herself dealing with her 3 sons, two of which are twins.  I got a headache just hearing them cry!

Nothing makes me NOT want to have kids more than the idea that I could end up the father of twins, triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, sextuplets, septuplets, and so on!

As if having ONE kid didn’t sounded torturous enough, sometimes life feels the need to play a joke on soon-to-be parents by giving them more kids to deal with at one time!

Most people who are planning to have kids do so with an idea of how much work is going to be involved in raising ONE child.  Very few, however, go about the routine of trying to create one without thinking they could end up with two or more, AT THE SAME TIME.

And if you thought having ONE child would be a lot of work, imagine how much fun dealing with TWO or more infants at once will be!

Now, instead of just hearing ONE child crying, you’ll have a multiple of little people screaming at the top of their lungs!  Instead of having to constantly buy diapers for ONE child, you’ll have to buy two to six times as many since you have a plethora of little poop machines at home!

And what does having all these kids at once do? 


ONE kid is expensive enough.  Diapers, strollers, car seats, medical bills, blankets, cribs… all this stuff costs money, and people in the “baby care” manufacturing business charge a lot for these items.  Now, MULTIPLY those costs by however many kids you just had in one fell swoop, and congratulations – you’re in the poor house!


You set aside that ONE room in the apartment for the ONE baby you were planning on having… and then you went and had triplets.  And you can’t afford to move into a bigger place because the medical bills to have these three kids is higher than Snoop Dogg on a rocket heading towards the moon. 

What does this mean? You barely have enough space in your place for 3 kids AND 3 times the baby items, that’s what!


As they get older, things will only get more and more busy with 2 to 7 people of the same age running around.  Getting them ready for school in the mornings will be a chore; trying to get to see all of them in their various activities will be a scheduling nightmare. 

And when they hit the teenage years, LOOK OUT!  At least with siblings that have a few years between them, a parent has time to learn about a certain stage from one of them to prepare for the next one.  You mean to tell me there’s a chance I could be dealing with SEVEN 14-year olds at the same time, all of whom have ever-changing hormones in their bodies that make them horny one minute, then mad at me the next?!?

Ooh, sorry, I don’t think I’ll be signing up for THAT program anytime soon!  I’m NEVER having kids, and I’m DEFINITELY not trying to risk ending up with more than one at the same time!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories/ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,