Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #34: No Extra Cargo

May 24, 2008 · No Comments

Above: A father spends almost 2 minutes trying to get his daughter to sit in her new car seat.  Talk about a time waster!

People without kids don’t have to deal with the added cargo having children brings.

It rained here in Atlanta yesterday, yet I had decided to venture out to get some lunch.  After I had finished my meal, I was just leaving the restaurant when I noticed a girl friend of mine pulling up into the parking lot.  By this time the rain was coming down something terrible, so, being the gentleman that I am, I walked over to her car with my umbrella so that I could walk her in.

As I strolled up to the car, I looked in her back seat, and noticed she had brought her infant son with her.  When I knocked on her door, she signaled for me to go around to the back car door so that I’d be able to use the umbrella to cover her son once she got him out of the car.

However, it wasn’t as simple as simply pulling him out the car.  He was sitting inside a car seat that doubled as his regular seat, which meant it, too, had to be pulled out of the car – with him still in it. 

And so, as the rain came down harder and hard on both of us, I had to spend an extra 2 minutes outside trying to figure out how to keep my golf-sized umbrella open (which, by this time, was on the verge of being blown out my hands) while giving my friend enough room to hold her small umbrella open AND remove her kid’s seat at the same time. 

Despite our best attempts at trying to keep the baby dry, the rain made sure that that didn’t happen. We ended up having to run as fast as possible to the restaurant door, with me holding the umbrella over both of them while she attempted to not drop her baby.

Needless to say, it was NOT fun.


Kids’ bodies are soft, and quite fragile.  Their bones haven’t yet fully developed or gotten strong enough to withstand hard impacts, which is why they require protection. They also can’t walk very fast or get around as rapidly as their parents.

Consequently, this means that parents have to buy all these extra things to carry their kids around for the first few years.  Things like car seats, strollers, baby carrying back-packs, have to be purchased to carry the little tyke around.

Unfortunately, those things can be quite a hassle to deal with.  Installing a baby car seat can take minutes off a person’s schedule, and getting the baby to comply with sitting in it can take even longer! (See: video above).  They are heavy, can be awkward to carry, and – if not properly used – can actually cause hard to a kid should an accident occur!

Then you have strollers.  The kid can’t walk, so he has to be wheeled around.  It’s not as burdensome as the car seat, but still – it’s EXTRA cargo.  Instead of being able to walk somewhere carrying nothing with you, you have to push around 20 lbs of extra stuff.

Then, you have what I like to call the “essentials” kit – big-ass bags full of baby stuff filled with pampers, formula, baby food, baby wipes, and a plethora of other things I can’t even begin to imagine because I don’t have kids.  All I know is, whenever I see one of those bags, they always look heavy and full to the brim!  It’s bad enough I had to carry a bookbag around in school with heavy textbooks – I don’t feel the need to have to do all of that again with baby stuff!

Which reminds me – they make baby carrying bags!  Now, not only can you carry the baby’s stuff in a bag – you can carry the baby too!  Yes, nothing says “I’ll need a spine injury operation later in life” than a baby holder for your back! What fun!

Sorry, folks but I just don’t feel like cluttering up my living space with extra cargo just to protect some fragile lil’ brat – I’ll leave that to the people who actually WANT kids!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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