Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #31: Because You Can’t Always Find a Babysitter

May 20, 2008 · No Comments

Above: A Father tries to find a babysitter to look after his kid for the next evening… with no luck.  Watch it for the surprise ending!

Nothing sucks more than making plans to go out… only to discover that you can’t find a babysitter for your kids!

Me and some coworkers were invited to attend a wine class, i.e. a brief seminar to learn how to differentiate the various smells and influences wines are composed of.  Most of us got to the wine class on time, where the instructor had set up a circle of glasses, each with different ingredients – vanilla in one, strawberries in another, and so on - that we were to go around and inhale, then compare to a particular wine.

As we walked around sniffing each glass, in came another co-worker… and her 5-month old son.

Immediately, everyone’s focus shifted from the wine ingredients to the infant.  “Oh, he’s so cute!  Aw, look at him sitting in his rocker!  I wanna hold him!”

And I stood there thinking: “Well, so much for the focus being on wine!”

Of course, it didn’t help much either when, as the instructor pointed out the various ingredients of particular wine, the baby started to do the “crying whimper” (the sound a baby makes before he’s set to make a bigger cry).  The mother had to put her glass down so she could attend to her baby. 

Next thing I know, he’s being held and carried around by just about every girl in the friggin’ class, and my goal of actually learning about these wines became frivilous at best!


Now, I’m sure the mother of this child didn’t really want him to be at the class.  But it was the middle of the day, and most people who would babysit – teenagers, other mothers with nothing else to do – were probably unavailable.  Consequently, she may have had no choice but to bring him along.  Hey, a kid’s gotta learn how to drink early on anyway, right?

But it made me realize something: just because there are people out there that will look after your kid, doesn’t mean you’ll always find one of them to help when you need it most.  And what does that mean?  You’ll have to carry around unwanted cargo!

Ever go to a nice restaurant and see a couple, dressed in nice clothes, trying to have a romantic evening…

…but there’s a kid in a high-chair that’s screaming his guts out for no reason? 

Do you think that couple REALLY wanted to bring the kid along with them?  OF COURSE NOT!  But chances are, the babysitter either cancelled, or they didn’t think to hire one in advance. 

And the result?  An evening filled with loud noise, baby drool, and no sex – just what I’ve always hoped for!

Personally, though, I’d much prefer to be able to make plans as little or far in advance as possible, and know that those plans can happen, as opposed to finding out at the last minute that they have to be cancelled because a babysitter couldn’t be found to look after the little ones. 

Luckily, there’s no need to hire a babysitter… when you’re NEVER having kids in the first place!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories and/or ideas to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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