Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #25: “I Don’t Know…”

May 14, 2008 · 1 Comment

If you want to ever test the true limits of your sanity, try this:

Change your mind about having kids, and have at least 2 of them.  Then, one day, when you feel like they are old enough, leave the siblings alone for 10-15 minutes.  

When you come back, there’s a good chance you will see the older sibling holding the younger one in a choke-hold, or punching him in the arm for no apparent reason.  Pull the older sibling away from the younger one, and ask him why he felt the need to cause violent harm to his brother or sister.

Then, wait for the answer – “I don’t know.  I don’t know!” – and see how long it takes for your sanity to disappear!

This is one of the most annoying aspects of having children – they spend a good portion of the day doing things an older person would refer to as “stupid”, yet when it comes time to explain themselves and their actions, 9 times out of 10 the response a parent will get is…

“I don’t know.  I don’t know!”

When a child says this, the thing that sucks is, they really may NOT know.  Younger children who say this haven’t learned enough vocabulary words to be able to completely express why that toy hammer they were holding just HAD to be pounded on their sibling’s head.  They aren’t able to say, “I was mad at him for not doing what I said, so I decided to hit him” – instead, they just respond with:

“I don’t know.  I don’t know!”

And it’s not just when they are fighting with their siblings.  A kid will do something like walk out the house with just his underwear on, hoping to be able to go to the house next door and pet the new kitty cat the neighbors just bought.  The parent will notice the kid gone, and, after frantically tearing the house upside down, go outside to see their young one halfway across the street!  

They’ll run up to their child – who’s about to be hit by an incoming 1987 Cadillac – and, after hugging them, ask them, “What made you think it was a good idea to leave the house by yourself without permission OR supervision?!?”

And their answer? “I don’t know. I don’t know!”

Now, some people may be up to the challenge of hearing this argument from a little person day in and day out for at least the first 10 years of a kid’s life.  But me, I’d rather be able not to have to deal with the stupidity OR unsatisfying answers kids have to offer me.

Why, you ask? Gee, I don’t know!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com. 

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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1 response so far ↓

  • Kathy // May 14, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    I’ve read several of these things, and as the mother of 2 young children (and with enough memory left to remember my own childhood), I gotta say this is **hilarious** and all too true! I disagree that the downsides outweigh the good parts about parenting (as I am having to stop my child from pulling my fingers off of the keyboard as I type, and erase the extra characters he insists on typing….)

    Anyway, even if it’s hard work, it’s an awful lot of fun. But keep up the good posts, anyway — it’s at least fun to read a humorous take on it. :-)

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