Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #20: Good Times, Interrupted

May 5, 2008 · No Comments

Kids seem to have a subconscious abilitiy to sense when their parents are really enjoying themselves… and it is during these moments that they are able to truly make their parents wish they’d never had children.

One of the disadvantages of having kids is that they can make what should be a fun outing, and completely interrupt this good time with bad, unpredictable behavior. They don’t appear to be doing it purposefully, but my instincts tell me that their instincts tell them when these perfect moments are to completely screw up events by having something go wrong.

For example: last night, I went to a concert to see Kanye West. I don’t have kids, so I was able to stay in the arena for all of the acts, as well as the interludes. Why? Because I didn’t feel the need to have to go anywhere, so I could stay in one place the entire night if I so desired.

Now, what might have happened had I had children with me?

First of all, kids are notorious for having short bladders. I can imagine having 2 little knee-biters with me, and, just as Kanye was into the second song, having to get up from my seat because one of them had to go to the bathroom. I absolutely HATE having to leave anything once it’s started – it’s the reason I don’t eat heavily or drink anything before I go to concerts, movies, speeches, or even church! I want to see the ENTIRE program, but if I had a kid, who knows how many times that kid would have wanted to go to the bathroom? I could have missed half the show!

Second – and this is true of people with 2 or more kids – siblings have a tendancy to not get along from time to time. This is all well and good (yet still annoying) when they’re at home because the parents can disipline them any way they see fit behind closed doors…

…but brothers and sisters can get into it any time, any place – even at concerts. Picture it: you, the parent, are standing there singing along to one of Kanye’s songs…

…and all of a sudden, from down below, you hear: “Stop touching me!” “Get your hands off me!” “That’s MY pair of glasses, give that back!” “NOOOO!!”

Now you have to stop enjoying your sing-a-long to get these two ding-a-lings from beating each other senseless. Next thing you know, you have to exit out the arena AGAIN to have a “talk” with them!

Third, kids cry. I think we’re all aware of this, yet rarely do people bring up how much a kid’s crying can bring down an event. People with kids – especially babies – will go out to restaurants with a group of friends (who may or may not have children), and end up having to spend the entire night attending to a crying child. This is time they’d much rather be spending laughing it up with friends, but can’t because their party interrupter needs all of their attention!!

So, you see, while kids may appear to be a blessing in disguise for some, to others (like me), they are nothing more than whiny noise-makers that are out to make sure that all my good times are interrupted. But that won’t happen to ME since I’m NEVER having kids!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

0 responses so far ↓

  • There are no comments yet...Kick things off by filling out the form below.

Leave a Comment