Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #19: F–k That Censorship Bull$#!+

May 4, 2008 · No Comments

I’m a HUGE fan of the T.V. show, “South Park,” on Comedy Central.

Since the show started in 1997, I have seen every single episode that’s ever aired. The show, about the adventures of four elementary-schooled kids growing up in the small mountain town, is hilarious, provocative… and has a LOT of bad words and adult situations that aren’t meant to be seen by children.

In the summer of 2005, I went to live with my Uncle and his two children, who, at the time, were ages 11 and 15. Like any good parent, my Uncle monitored what songs and programs his children could hear or watch.

Needless to say, as a 23-year old grown man, this greatly affected the types of entertainment I was able to watch while I was in the house.

The first thing to go: my beloved “South Park.” Because it was summer time and the kids were able to stay up late, I wasn’t able to watch the show because the 11-year old (and, really, the 15 year old) were too young to see the M-rated show. The second thing to go: “Family Guy,” which also has situations and language not suitible for pre-teens.

The third thing to go? My MUSIC! I have a huge collection of music, most of which has profanity in it. As instructed by my Uncle, I couldn’t play songs in my car that had anything suggestive in it, or had fowl language. My summer consisted of listening to a LOT of Will Smith and pop music (i.e. Britney, N*Sync, etc.), especially since I was the one driving my cousins around most of the time.

The fourth thing to go? MUSIC VIDEOS. Yes, all those songs with videos where women were shaking their butts on the screen, could not be watched when my cousins were around. Of course, they still tried to go to other rooms and sneak watching them, but when my uncle was home, it was not to be on the television!

The fifth thing to go? MY SANITY! All the things that I liked to do – and that I was able to do as a grown-up adult – had to be watered down or censored simply because there were younger people around!

But then it dawned on me: when people become parents, their worries about what is out there in the world that will corrupt their children gets heightened by 300% (note: percentage made up for dramatic effect). Therefore, they feel the need to keep their kids as innocent for as long as possible. This is why parents freak out when they take their kids out and hear other people cussing around them, or try to frantically roll up their car windows when they drive by someone playing loud rap music – God forbid their kids hear the word “damn” or “f–k” and decide right there and then to live a life of crime!

Not that I don’t understand the good intentions behind it – heck, my parents wouldn’t let me or my brother bring uncensored music into the house when I was growing up, and I didn’t start cussing around people until I got to college. I completely agree with a parent’s decision to censor what their kids are exposed to until such a time as they feel comfortable for their kids to be around it.


I don’t want to have to censor what I like to do, listen to, watch, etc. just because of some snot-nosed lil’ rugrat that’s in my house! And the best way to do that… is not to have kids in the first place!

So… F–K THAT CENSORSHIP BULL$#!+, ’cause I’m NEVER having kids!

(And yes, I do see the irony in me having censored the stronger words in this article. I did that just in case some kid runs across this article – the last thing I need is for a parent to get mad at me for corrupting his kid!)

-A.P. Taylor

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