Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #15: Clothes Shopping, Interrupted

April 18, 2008 · No Comments

I stopped by the Old Navy store this evening to look for swimwear to wear at the beach during my vacation next week to Tampa, FL. Nothing like the idea of sun, sand and surf to make a guy actually want to shop for swimming trunks!

As I headed towards the men section, the entrance door to the store opened behind me. In walks a mother, along with her, oh, we’ll say 2 year old son, walking behind her. SLOOOOOOOOWLY. The mother was about 10 steps ahead of her kid, whom she kept saying “come on, cooooooome on” to. I guess she didn’t realize that kids have short legs, and only have two speeds: slow walk or fast run.

Eventually he caught up to his mom, and they walked off to the back of the store near the young kids section. I, meanwhile, found a pair of swimming trunks in both medium and large, and went to the fitting room to see which size fit better.

After trying the trunks on and deciding on which size to get (medium, in case you were curious), I went to hang back up the other pair of trunks. As I walked over to the men’s section, I could hear screaming and crying coming from the young kids’ department.

Upon further investigation… it turns out, this mother was trying to get this lil’ crumb-snatcher to try on a hat, and he just wasn’t having it today! The mother had found a nice little white hat with a brim around it, and was looking to see if it would fit on his head. Here’s how the scenario played out:

Mom (as she’s trying to put the hat on his head): “Aww, look, wouldn’t that look good on you?”

Crumb-snatcher: “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” (Runs around kids section trying to get away from his Mom)

Mom: “Don’t run! Come back here!”

Crumb-snatcher (In a high-pitched tone only dogs can understand): “NOOOOOOOOOOOOaaa!”

This exchange was still continuing at the back of the store while I was in the purchase line. All I could think was, I’m glad I’m not the one taking him shopping… or parenting him, for that matter!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

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