Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #11: “YI! YI! YI! YI! YI! YI! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!”

March 31, 2008 · No Comments

About two days ago… after getting off late from work, I had to catch the train home. The train arrived, and as I entered, I saw the sight I most dread seeing…

A parent. With a kid at least 3 years of age.

Well, it was too late for me to switch cars since the train doors were about to close, so I did the only thing I could do: I sat down, leaned my head against the car wall, and prayed to God that this kid would be able to behave itself.

The train pulled off… and, within 15 seconds of the train moving, I heard this lil’ bastard scream its head off for no reason:

“YI! YI! YI! YI! YI! YI! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!”

Over and over again, this kid screamed – and because he was only 3, it was one of those high-pitched screams that only kids with no sense of volume control can scream!

The mother, meanwhile… well, the kid was sitting in her lap, and she tried to stop him from screaming by pointing to things outside the train window: “Ooh, look at that, is that a big building? Oooh, isn’t the highway traffic impressive? Oooh!”

And it would work… for about a minute. Then, he’d start up again:

“YI! YI! YI! YI! YI! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!”

After two train stops, I couldn’t take it anymore! I was tired phyiscally, and even MORE tired of hearing this rugrat scream his ass off!!

Finally, at the train stop before my actual stop, I got off the train car I was in and went over to the next one. As I was exiting, I saw a pretty girl about to enter into my car. I looked at her and said: “Be warned: there’s an annoy kid on this car and he’s loud,” then walked passed her into the next car.

I don’t know HOW or WHY people want kids, but after hearing all that unnessesary noise, I’d happily get a vasectomy today if I could!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.  

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