Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #8: Bang Bang Bang, On the Window…

March 21, 2008 · No Comments

The last day of training for my new job was yesterday, and I had one simple assignment: go home and study for the job test today.

I went home, studied a bit… and then resorted to spending the rest of the evening on my couch, switching between studying, playing Zelda, and watching television. For some reason, I don’t get really focused about studying ANYTHING until it’s close to the wire. And since the train between where I live and my job takes 30 minutes exactly, I figured I’d have time to study my material on MARTA the next morning en route.

I get on the train, and for the first 10 minutes there is nothing but peace and quiet in the train car I chose. We make a stop at Five Points (which, for those of you who aren’t familiar with Atlanta’s trains system, is the midpoint where the North/South Line and East/West Line meet), and passengers start getting on the train.

In walks this woman – who looked like she could have been a transvesstite (that adam’s apple was suspect), along with a young boy, probably about 4 or 5, who, admittedly, was a cute-looking kid. He wasn’t saying anything, no crying, no fussing with the woman, nothing. “Finally,” I thought to myself, “a seemingly nice kid. I can go back to my studying now…”

Just then… he runs to the seat in front of me, and – “BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!” – for no apparent reason, he starts BANGING ON THE PLASTIC PANEL WINDOW!”

At first, I thought he was just going to bang it a few times and be done with it. But no, he continued -

“BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!”

At this point, I can’t even concentrate, and I’m looking at the back of the wo(man)’s head like, “aren’t you going to STOP him from doing that?!?”

Finally, the train starts to move, and the kid stops pounding the plastic window. “Finally,” I thought to myself, “I can get back to studying.” Oh, but I thought wrong – soon as we pulled up and stopped at the next station -

“BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!”

So NOW I can’t study AND I have a headache. And the kid is just banging away… until the train starts up again. He folds his arms up and looks out the window, making no noise at all. “Okay, MAYBE he’s gotten all that out of his system,” I think to myself. I focus my eyes downward and continue looking at my study material…

Then, the train stops again. I can feel it coming…

“BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!”

(Inside my head) “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

You know what sucks the most? As a person who tends to be passive aggressive, I didn’t want to just tap the wo(man) on the shoulder and be like, “excuse me, your kid (?) is giving me a headache, could you please tell him to stop doing that?” I’m never too sure what the person’s reaction is going to be, so I usually end up just removing myself from the situation. Luckily, they both got off at the stop after that, and I no longer had to hear that banging – otherwise, I would have taken the kid and thrown him off the train myself!

LoL! Okay, I would have just moved cars. But the other ending would have been much cooler, huh?

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,