Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #7: Conversation: It’s ALWAYS About “The Kids”

March 19, 2008 · No Comments

Usually when I write these blogs, I write about behaviors from kids I’ve noticed that are so annoying, they make me want to say “I’m NEVER having kids!!”

However, the moronic acts from kids aren’t the only reason I don’t want to have them. A lot of it has to do with acts I don’t want to do – changing diapers, having to disipline them, getting them out of jams, breaking my stuff, etc.

A great example of a behavior I do not want as a result of having kids is something parents unconciously do as soon as they have them: namely, they make their kids the main topic of their conversation.

It’s similar to when a person gets a new job: suddenly, about 90% of their conversation centers around their job. They talk mostly about things that happened at work, who they like/dislike on their job, what they would change about their job, etc. Heck, just about any activity a person gets really involved in, will eventually become the main thrust of what they talk about. If you don’t believe me, look at how many eBay entries I did last year when I was doing it on an almost daily basis!

And so it is with kids. I have various friends and cousins who have had kids in the last few years, and whenever I talk to them, the majority of their conversation revolves around their kids: where their kid is in their development, what funny thing they did the other day, what annoying thing the kid does, how they celebrated the kid’s birthday… kids, kids, kids, kids, KIDS!!

And me, being the type of guy I am, will sit there and listen to them because they are my friends or family, all the while thinking to myself: “Dang – and to think, they used to actually have a life of their own and talk about OTHER things before these kids came along!” These people used to be involved in all sorts of wonderful activities and/or jobs, and most of them still are – but instead of telling me about it, all they want to seem to talk about are their kids that I’ve barely known for 5 minutes!!

And for the record: nobody’s kid is all that much special from another person’s kid. Parents LOVE to brag about how “advanced” their kid is – “look at this, my kid is only 8 months and he’s already walking” – and I’m like, “who gives a crap?!? By the age of 3 or 4, almost ALL kids will be walking, so who cares how long it takes them?!?” “Oh, but look, my kid’s in 1st grade but reads on a 3rd grade level!” “Well, woopie – it STILL ain’t getting your kid to 3rd grade any faster, so SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!”

I just don’t want to have my focus of conversation be on some friggin’ little rugrats, because I know that nobody outside of my family is really, REALLY going to give a flying rat’s behind about how my kids are doing, and I’d much rather be talking about other things besides how much better my kid is these days at not wetting the bed!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your “Why I’m NEVER Having Kids” stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com.

Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People
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