Why I’m NEVER Having Kids

Why I’m NEVER Having Kids #6: The Longest 8 Minutes of My Life

March 9, 2008 · No Comments

The longer I live in the city, the more and more I hate kids with a passion.

Every night I catch the train to head back down to the nearest bus station to catch a ride home. Last night the bus was packed to the brim with people, but I managed to find a place to sit amongst the sea of standing bodies.

As I’m getting comfortable, I hear a noise that sounds like a small wailing. I look to my left, and I see a mother with a kid sitting on her lap – he couldn’t have been more than 1 to 2 years old, ugly as all hell.

(Sidebar: why is it that most babies born in the hood look like they were born in a trash can? Someone needs to tell these mothers to stop getting with guys who look like shiznit, less their babies end up with the same fate as there one-time lovers. I’m assuming it’s one-time, ’cause half these mothers look like shiznit too!)

Anyway.. this baby starts giving off a half-cry – ya know, one of those cries where the baby can’t decide whether or not they want to full-out cry or just make an “I’m irritated over something but don’t know what it is” sound. The baby was making more up and down screams and moanings than Paris Hilton at a Chippendale’s party!

And it just wouldn’t stop. The ride from the bus station to my apartment is about 10 minutes; for 8 minutes straight, this bastard of a kid did nothing but half-cry and wail, much to the annoyance of me and everybody else within ear shot.

I. Am. NEVER. Having. Kids. I can only imagine the mother having to deal with that crying moron for another hour after getting home – if having to look at him everyday doesn’t give her enough of a headache, I know his crying certainly does!

-A.P. Taylor

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Categories: Babies · Children · Dad · Family · Kids · Mom · Parent · People · Teenagers
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